Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Lately, I find myself having an identity crisis. I don't know what I want except to be happy and have my dreams come true. I just don't know what my dreams are and what my happiness contains in detail. I don't know who I am or what my purpose is. I can't see myself in anything or doing anything or going anywhere. I just can't see myself at all. I don't want to have some meaningless existence! Other people may see it differently, but I don't feel that way. I need to feel like I have a purpose and a reason, and I need to know what that is. I feel like I am going nowhere and like I am never going to go anywhere with my life. It scares me that I feel this way. I worry that I have lost my talent for anything. And even if I haven't lost my talent, what will become of it? Will I ever find "Mr. Right" ? Will I ever find someone to love me as much as I love them and who makes me feel the way I remember? I feel I have lost my passion for anything. My fire is dying... and without that, life is meaningless. I don't want that. I want to find a way to recapture and rekindle that fire. It doesn't necessarily mean that I have to find Mr. Right in order to achieve this. In fact, I know it doesn't. I just don't know if I will ever be as good as I used to be in anything. What happens if I don't love the things I used to? maybe I worry too much about stuff, but it's my life and I see myself going nowhere and fast. I just don't want to have a meaningless existence. I fear that my life will fade into nothingness.