Sunday, February 27, 2011

Nobody wants me...

So I am trying to determine why it is that my husband doesn't want to have sex with me? This is husband number two, same problem, so yes, I am a little "mental" about the whole thing. If you marry one guy and he doesn't want sex with you, you think, he's an asshole, but you marry another guy years later and you have the same problem; well, then you think, he's an asshole too, but it has to be me! I'm the problem!! I am too fat, and neither one would tell me that's the problem! Instead, they think lying to you about it spares your feelings. Really?! O_o  You can't tell me that you wouldn't rather screw that Asian chick on your computer with the perfect body, than to have sex with your fat wife. So instead of telling me the truth, he looks at porno and gets drunk, and jerks off all day. So I really do think, it's me, not him, that's the problem. Don't ever tell me why you wonder why I take antidepressants and am currently on a waiting list for therapy.... You know, he tells me that he doesn't know why he doesn't want me, or that it's because I "nag" him about it... I'm sorry!!! BUT we haven't had sex for TWO weeks and I am just supposed to NOT CARE!!! I don't think so!! I have noticed that when I was skinnier, we had sex more, and now that I have had baby number two, yeah, not so much sex anymore... and it's not because of the baby... Sometimes I think killing myself would make him realize that I am serious about resolving this issue that we have in our marriage, but honestly, some parts of me thinks he really wouldn't care... and also, I really don't want to die, I would like to see my kids grow up amongst other things I have to live for... Some people might ask, why don't I get a divorce? Well, been there, done that. I CANNOT go through that again, it really would kill me. Besides, I really do love my husband, and aside from the drinking, porno and smoking (which in that order bother me from greatest to least) he is a good, sane man. I want to grow old with him and have a happy marriage, but frankly, he just doesn't understand that sex is important to me. It's one of the few times that I get to be alone with him all to myself, with him all over me, and him paying attention to me. It's more than just a physical need. I wish he understood, and I wished he cared and I wish that he would show me that he does... not just say what I want to hear. So I ordered an exercise program, and if after getting skinny, he still doesn't want me, then we need to see a sex therapist... but in the meantime, he should try to fix this issue and figure out why he doesn't want to have sex with me, and then he can tell me the truth, because lying to me hurts enough. I have tried to be okay with him and his porno, but his porn gets more attention in one day than I get from him in a year... and I am just so furious with him and upset and I don't know what else to do....

4 comments:

Heidi said...

I think marriage counseling would do well for you both. This was Mike all the time minus the drinking and smoking. And well you know what it led to and I can only hope Jeremy will never follow suit. We have sex like once a week and i too notice the skinnier I get the more he wants me even though he said his tastes have changed and he now likes big woman. yea right, like i believe that crap. So yea we are now down to marriage counseling as our last resort. There is a marriage retreat in 3 weeks we are going to. Its free daycare so Mike and I get to be alone all day.

Nataku said...

Did I mention that he jerks off everyday?! He complains because I spend too much time in bed.. well, let me see.. I was up several times in the night with the baby, or I couldn't sleep or I am still in bed because you are in the living room jerking off and I am upset, and you don't fucking care!!! Yeah, we need therapy...

Nataku said...

oh, and according to his twin brothers wife, the apple doesn't fall far from well, the other apple as it were...if we could get past this issue and the porn and drinking, and maybe even the smoking, then I would have to say, that I do have a perfect husband...

Heidi said...

Yep sounds like you guys need couples counseling. He needs some serious therapy himself. Have you mentioned you want to go see a couples counselor? I know you have told him all this upsets you so he is obviously aware of it. Ask him why he continues to do it knowing it upsets you? Not to mention the smoking, 2nd hand smoke, and 3rd hand smoke is not good for you or the kids. Not to mention he should love you no matter your weight.

If your SIL says her DH does the same thing, what does she do about it? Or does she just say w/e and leave it be?